What to Do If You're Too Self-Critical

An email subscriber recently reached out to me in need of some advice on how to deal with his debilitating self-criticism.

It’s a long message, but it hits home. Here’s what he wrote:

“Every time I find a flaw in my playing (which I do pretty much every single time I touch my instrument), and I take the steps to work on that flaw, I’m instantly reminded of and distracted by every other weakness I have in my playing, which makes me lose motivation completely.

I have this mental image of a gigantic mountain that I need to climb because EVERY single aspect of my playing feels so subpar. This results in an overwhelming feeling of mediocrity – one that won’t go away because actually getting to where I want to be in my playing feels like such a daunting task that I have no clue where to start.

There are too many things I suck at (suck might be a strong word but compared to the geniuses I inevitably compare myself to, I think it’s true), and motivating myself to climb this metaphorical mountain is so difficult when I see so many people who are already standing there at the top having a blast playing beautiful music off the top of their heads.”

Whew. That hits me square in the chest and then again in my gut.

I relate to this pain on so many levels. It's the same pain that made me almost quit playing music (on more than one occasion).

I was able to get through those dark times by referring back to a brilliant quote by acclaimed radio personality Ira Glass. He’s talking about writing, but the sentiment applies to music just as well:

“Nobody tells this to people who are beginners. I wish someone told me.

All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste.

But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not.

But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you.

A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit.

Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this.

And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know it’s normal, and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story.

It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met.

It’s gonna take a while. It’s normal to take a while. You’ve just gotta fight your way through.”

So the good news is that what you're going through is completely normal, and it’s actually a sign that you have good taste.

The bad news is that you have to tough it out until you get to a place where you're reasonably happy with your playing.

But even then, you won't be completely satisfied, because there will always be room to improve.

Thank goodness!

What if that weren't the case? What if you actually made it to the top of the mountain?

Sure, it’d be cool to look out at that scenic view for a while. But eventually it'd get old, and you'd get bored. I know that’s hard to believe when you’re fatigued, frustrated, and struggling to find your footing, but ya gotta trust me on this – the climb is where it’s at!

An even better analogy is running...

When you go out for a run, you start out enthusiastic and excited. But after that initial burst of energy peters out, you start breathing more heavily. Maybe your shins start to hurt. It gets hard.

A lot of people start walking at this point. But those who press on can achieve a runner’s high and actually enjoy “the work” it takes to keep moving forward.

You dig?

On another note, try not to compare yourself to other players. I promise: there will always be someone better than you, and there will always be someone worse than you.

Comparing yourself to others is a recipe for unhappiness in music and in life. The antidote is to focus on yourself and to actively and regularly measure your progress. The best way to do this is by keeping a practice journal. Record what you're working on. Be specific. Write down the tempos at which you’re practicing. Tempos don't lie. They are the most objective way to measure progress.

Also, be patient with yourself. Music is hard. If it were easy, getting higher up that mountain wouldn't be so special.

Lastly, and most importantly, don't just focus on getting good at music. Focus on making good music. There’s a difference.

Bob Dylan doesn't have the greatest voice in the world. And there are plenty of better guitar players out there. But it doesn’t matter, because he makes music that connects with people.

Yes, you should strive to get better at your craft. And knowing what to prioritize in the practice room will help you manage that feeling of “there’s so much to work on.” But remember this: You don’t need to eradicate all flaws in your playing in order to make good music.

Put another way, there’s more to good music than the absence of imperfection.

Consider this: you’re not obsessed with your music heroes just because they have chops. Sure, that may be part of the reason. But there are plenty of amazing players out there. So why is it that you dig some more than others? It’s a question worth answering.

Bottom line, know that this slump, rut, funk, whatever you want to call it... is not going to last forever. Sometimes you just have to wait it out.

In the meantime, keep climbing. Keep running.

Keep shedding.

Jeff

P.S. I don’t usually do this, but my online course, Perfect Practice, is currently available for purchase as a standalone product. (Usually it’s only offered alongside Making the Changes, which is much more expensive.)

When you enroll in Perfect Practice, you’ll get the guidance you need to feel confident in the practice room. No more wasting your time using outdated and inefficient techniques. Instead, learn my top tips, tools, and strategies for optimizing your practice time and getting better, faster results.

Click here to learn more about Perfect Practice.